Brains Insomnia

i can't fucking sleep!!! how can i ever sleep in the first place when there are evil voices in my head telling me to make a fucking great fool of myself by showing this guy that i "love" him.. *screams to death*

i just did thought. i opened my email account and to my non-surprise. He didn't show up in my inbox. I don't know what had happened to him. Did he die in the war or something, or did he just let me figure that he was just making it as an excuse that he's not interested in me anymore just because i refused to make another nude video of myself and send it to him as if i don't know that he showed those to his fellow soldiers coz they've been celibate for like eons and their penises need some hole to feel the emptiness inside.

yah. i already figured. he got tired of me. shit. after all those sweet nothings!!! i can't believe i fell for that. he told me i'm a fucking wonderful person. yeah! wonderful my ass!!! i was right all along. i shouldn't have believed that there's something magical between the two of us. it was just sex all along.. no more, no less.

GOD HOW DID I BECOME TO GET SO FUCKING STUPID!!!!!!!!!!!

you know what's discouraging...
it's knowing that at the end of the day, i realize i have no one. my life is as boring as a shrub. no one seems to care. the guys i thought i loved left me-- Dustin, Antoine, even Billy.
i should have given Bob the chance right before all these rejections had happened. He was the only guy who took me seriously (aside from Brit who doesn't have a serious life). The rest of them either consider me as a past time or someone to bang with.
i'm seriously trying to consider a total life renovation but i don't know where to start.
i just wanna have a nice gorgeous guy to be seriously inlove with and some true friends who could equalize the non-intensity of my life with some fun

what's up with all these yahoo chatters showing off their disgusting and gooey 3-5 inches packages over the net?! it's not even sexually stimulating..

pls. cut the crap before your webcam's gonna burn from pure and utter disgust.

"Love is the only rational act."

Said Levine..

Bullshit..

I have two choices here, either i'm gonna wear this:

Or i'm gonna open my email account and risk basking in embarrassment and downfall again if i find out Billy didn't email me?

I mean both are equally embarrassing, right?!

However, considering the options, I would rather wear 'em than know that Billy ain't interested anymore. See, I've been wanting to know what it feels like to have man-feet. My cousin Risa has it, even my boss has it ( she's an exemption i guess coz she's really a she-man!) Why, I would love to have those mind-boggling skin hair hovering beneath my toenails!!!

My god, it's better that way... Yeah, i think i'm gonna do that. So pls congratulate me, it has been nearly 2 days since i haven't opened my email account. It's better to not know than know the painful truth

Billy proved himself to be my world's biggest horndog!!! On the other hand though he IS in my world and only a few people get to be in my world...............

No it's not a good thing.. I need him OUT of my world