Brains Insomnia

you miss half of your lives just as i missed my work out at the gym this afternoon.

I am a fly
Swirling upon a piece of shit
The crap you call romance
Intimacy
Courtship
I stick to the wall hungrily eyeing it
Hovering over it like a helicopter
But I dare not land on it
For what are flies
But nothing more than nuisances - still I trail behind
That which has blossomed in front of me
Palm to palm
They strode
Wish I could hold on to
Someone else’s hand myself

Nay!
Flies only know filth, rubbish, the untouchable, the repulsive, the decaying, the reeking…

If there's one thing I hate about the Visiting Forces Agreement in the Philippines, it's these American soldiers staying in several base camps in every nook of the country trying to find some local naive, clueless Filipina girl to fuck with

And these include Phil-Am Marine soldiers.. Damn with these people! They play around with Filipina women. I'm over Billy! I just want to bump my head severely against a wall so I'll have amnesia and forget everything that had happened because he just did. Why can't I just accept the hints as they fucking are?! I mean the "payment"!!!!!!!!!! How he left me in the hotel room while he and his buddy friend rode off to victory!

They all should leave our place!We don't need them right? Well, he did actually. He's off to war somewhere but unfortunately he's gonna return here. That is if he survives the war which he probably will because bad guys are hard to die.

Ok, i'll just at least try something within my control:I need to get him out of my system! I can't get him out of my head! I think i'm inlove with this creep. See, I have never made silly gestures to please a man. If that would have been the case, I make sure it's the other way around. But not this time. I know it's really embarrassing but i did really kinky stuffs for him!! haha. I've sent him nude photos and vids of myself just to satisfy the horny dogginess in him. I did all o'those thinking he would take me seriously. (How dumb can i get really??! Af if it's gonna happen) oh well!!!!

Truth be told though, he is SOOOH fucking hot!!! He is a goddess. The mere thought of him turns me on. BUT, he turns me on in a romantic kinda way. I'm afraid i might love him coz it's the kind of love that's difficult to get away from. This is mainly the reason why i agreed anyway. I took it as an opportunity to get laid with him while he took it as an opportunity to just get laid.

But you know what's likable about me despite all these hellhole. I can just get over it. Maybe tomorrow, i might forget about him.

That is if i bang my head against a wall, and have amnesia.

My work is hell that sometimes my mind plays good tricks on me... such as, imagining i'm whacking my boss' head with a sledgehammer which is kinda sweet actually! But i just let it all slide, let it all pass coz you know what,  well, it's not really as torturing as most of my colleagues would think. See, i'm the youngest of 'em and ironically, the one who knows a lot (modesty aside...) Or to put it simply, the one who's less of an idiot than them.

Ok, i'm sorry i'm being too rude towards the people i work with. But God knows how i literally gag myself to death just to refrain myself from spitting filthy words to my old, lazy, and dimwitted officemates. Yes, they are OLD, LAZY, and DIMWITS! My boss even would take an eternity to send an email because she has to check and re-check here grammars, spellings and what not! Well, sometimes I think I don't belong in that place but since it pays fair enough, I think i'd rather stay a bit further.

And i won't give up that easily... I'm gonna try my fucking best to rise above all the tension and all those shit loads of work. One of my officemates resigned because, as per his resignation letter, he wants to "break free from all the animosity" arising in the work office. Me and my boss laugh about it but personally it IS true.. OUr boss loooooves OFFICE rumors. I even wonder what she's talking about me behind her back. That is what she spends 50% of her time in the office: talk about the accountant, the collector, the counter sales rep, hell.... she even talks about her "admirer" which I find soooooooooooo lame because at her age, she shouldn't be all giddy and excited about it as if she's just 14 instead of 40!!!

Really, i hate my job but funny i'm kinda drawn to it...